I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
