My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
