Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
