i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
