You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Two words: nipple clamps
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