i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
two words...techno handjob
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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