it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
