he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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