Betty ford says i'm here all night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
