I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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