I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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