I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
