So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
