The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
