if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
