walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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