Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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