just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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