Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
