the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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