We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
