Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
