We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
