There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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