i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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