is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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