could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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