He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
