Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
