A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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