would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
