I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
