i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
