I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
