tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
