You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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