The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
