R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
