Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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