people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
