your thong is hanging out like whoa
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
