I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
