so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
