you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
