Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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