shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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