the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
