Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I take back everything I said about communal showers
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
