I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
