my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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