Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
