Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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