Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
